The Shears Of Thornling

Once upon a time in a town called Thornling, sass and backtalk were taking over. Kids wouldn’t lift a finger and the moms were going gray from stress.

They weren’t budging when they were told to budge and they laughed at their schoolwork and toothbrushes.

Then one day in the grocery store a kid was melting down. The sound of the carts and the bags and the music and the lights were all driving him mad. He wondered to himself what he was even doing there and when he couldn’t find a good answer, his mom asked him to stop dilly dallying, and when he looked over at her, he realized it was all her fault. That she was the one responsible for bringing him to such a wretched place! The thought of his own mother torturing him made him angrier than he already was.

“I hate you!” he screamed, without explaining all the thoughts that had led him to this conclusion.

But before his mother could do anything about it, an old woman intervened.

She’d been squeezing pears a few feet away when she heard what she decided was unacceptable.

“In my day,” she muttered, “if you screeched at your mother like that you’d be eating supper on your hind legs ‘cause your backside’d be broken!”

The boy did not like this old woman and did not appreciate her meddling in his business and taking his mother’s side, so he eviled his eyes. “What did you say to me, old lady?”

His mother gasped. “Peter!”

“May I, Madam?”

No one had ever offered to help Peter’s mother before. Previous to that moment, people mostly pretended not to notice when her son was behaving in that sort of way people referred to as horrid.

And perhaps because of that, along with being entirely exhausted and fed up, Peter’s mother stepped aside...

And what happened next gave the old woman her nickname: The Shears of Thornling.

She cut that boy down with words he’d never heard...

“You think you’re tough, don’t you, boy?” she said, her fierce rickety eyeballs piercing his. “Well you oughta hop on that shelf with those other green bananas instead of standing here thinking you know a spit about anything!”

“Whatever,” the boy muttered.

“Ah. That’s good,” the old lady cackled. “One ‘whatever’ equals one bag of groceries lugged to my car! I’ll have quite a few bags, so let’s see how many more ‘whatevers’ ya got.”

This silenced the boy, along with the other kids and mothers who were pretending not to notice the fiasco in the produce aisle.

By the end of the day, word spread about The Shears of Thornling. And it didn’t take long before fed-up mothers began sneaking out to their cars to call for her services. And the Shears of Thornling was more than happy to make house-calls.

“You’re not gonna bring your dish to the sink? Is that what you say to the woman who grew you? The woman who’s aged three years for your every one, all because of your disgraceful notions of what’s fair? If you saw yourself right now on one of your idiotic televisions shows, you wouldn’t be rooting for yourself… You’d be changing the channel!!!”

[Sound of kid crying.]

“Your mother asked you to turn off that video game an hour ago!”

“I’m almost done.”

“No, you’re done.” [Sound of Nintendo Switch being thrown out window.]

“Noooo!”

“You’re next if you don’t zip it!”

[Sound of kid crying.]

“You want chicken nuggets? Here’s a chicken. Either nugget it yourself or eat your broccoli! Imagine all the children who have nothing to eat! You ought to be ashamed of your rotten self!”

[Sound of kid crying.]

She’d hold up mirrors at the children’s most vulnerable moments.

She’d sneak into windows and scare them into submission.

Soon, just the threat of the old woman would make the kids do what they were told.

“Aren’t you going to take out that garbage?”

“In a minute, Mom. I’m about to level up.”

“I see… Maybe you’d prefer some motivation from… The Shears of Thornling?”

“No! No! Please, Mom! I’ll do it now!”

Before long, the children of Thornling began to behave.

But, there was a problem. Though it was true the children stopped being so difficult, inflexible and explosive, they also stopped being much of anything other than obedient. The previously lively and expressive children of Thornling grew very quiet and mostly kept to themselves, because they were too afraid of being criticized and cut to shreds by that mean old lady.

But there was one kid in Thornling known as the most defiant, most inflexible, sassiest kid in town. His mother had refused to call The Shears because she thought she could handle her son a different way—with love and understanding.

Truth be told, she kind of liked her son’s spunk; the way he was always himself instead of the people-pleaser she’d grown up to be.

But one day, he pushed her too far.

“That’s it!” she said. “You’re not going to show me an ounce of respect? Maybe this respectful parenting stuff doesn’t work after all! I’m calling The Shears!”

“Go ahead. Fine.”

[Mother Gasps.]

“What? Go and call that old hag. I don’t care. I’m not scared. She can cut me up all she wants but I’ll still know I’m fine and that you grown-ups are the ones with the bigger problems!”

With that his mother picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Um... hello...”

“Yessum. I’m presuming you’ve got some sass that won’t pass?”

Within the hour The Shears was standing right there in the boy’s living room.

“So what’s the problem,” the old lady asked his mother.

“Well, I would like my son to listen when I speak and show a bit of gratitude every now and then.”

The boy turned his video game louder so he couldn’t hear what they were saying.

“Umm hmmm. I see. Looks like we’ve got a bit of entitlement. Looks like he’s hiding in a screen like the rest of the psychopaths of his generation.”

His mother felt a pain in her heart hearing such harsh words about her baby, but yet she knew something had to be done.

“Look at ya. You don’t have a clue who you are outside that rectangle. You’re nothing but a collection of cheap characters that someone got paid a hefty salary to make. But what’ll be left of you? After letting your brain be taken over by show after show? Missing your childhood? Sitting like a side of beef day after day with the focus of a flea? You’ll wind up dancing near your hat on the street for a buck!”

“Well… what’s wrong with that. At least I’ll be dancing. Sounds like a fine life to me.”

“Oh you won’t be happy-dancing. You’ll be desperate-dancing just to earn a buck for a burger you’ll have to gum down because you never listened to your mother when she said it was time to brush your teeth!”

“I brush my teeth!”

“Oh, I got you there. You’re a little hooked aren’t ya, Chuckie?”

Charlie’s face felt hot.

“My name’s not Chuckie.”

“No!” he whispered to himself. “I’m getting sheared!”

“Well I don’t care,” Charlie said, regaining his composure. “I’ll get dentures.”

“And afford them with a beggar’s salary?”

“I’ll enroll the dentist. She’ll do it pro bono.”

“You think you know it all, don’t you. Well I’ve got news for you, Sonny—out there in the world, without your mommy, you’re nothing but mulch for the birch. So you’d best get with the program instead of polluting the world with your wretched behavior!”

Suddenly Charlie had an idea. “Wait a minute,” he said. “Why are you trying to destroy me anyhow? Why wouldn’t you want to support me! Instead of telling me I’m nothing, why wouldn’t you take the time to show me something I don’t know because you believe in who I already am? What good is it doing all the children of Thornling to cut them into smithereens? Wouldn’t you rather be known for being something else? Something really great?”

“You manipulative menace.” The old lady muttered softly.

“Me? I didn’t even choose to be here! I’m only sticking up for myself. Why would you want me to cower in fear? Wouldn’t it make more sense to help me learn all these skills you think I need, to be successful? This world you grown-ups created seems pretty nuts to me. I’m just trying to find a little peace for myself. Is that so bad?”

The Shears said nothing.

“What were you like as a child anyhow?”

The old lady gasped.

It was the first time anyone ever asked the question. She said nothing for a whole fifteen seconds and then spoke:

“The Shears of Thornling never had a childhood.”

“Were you always this mean?”

“It’s how I survived.”

“Did your own parents cut you to smithereens?”

“They taught me the ways of this world just the way I’m teaching you.”

“Well they were wrong. And so are you. There are lots of ways in this world. Starting with letting people have a right to speak up about what makes them upset and what makes them feel better!”

“The reason you kids are always upset is because you’re not tough enough. You sit around feeling sad and confused because you have no backbone, no discipline to behave how you’re expected to.”

“Well did it ever occur to you that maybe we’re fed up? You grown-ups are always so busy with your todo lists that you’re not even paying attention to who we are! Maybe us kids are seeing a bigger picture. Maybe we don’t think you grown-ups have it as together as you think. Besides, look where being tough got you? No offense but you don’t look too happy. Do you even have any friends?”

“I… have a pen pal...”

“See? You’re probably more sad and lonely than me! You probably don’t even sleep at night!”

“That’s probably true. You can’t sleep and brood at the same time, can ya, Sonny.”

“Well maybe the world needs some new ideas to make it a better place. Not a place where you have to be tough to do well but a real better place where people can be honest about who they are. And maybe if you listened to us kids, you’d find out we have really good ideas. We just want to feel supported by you grown-ups so we can feel good enough about ourselves to go out in the world and turn our ideas into reality!

And you could have been doing this. But instead of making a difference you’ve ruined the future of every child in this town. You could have been loved. But instead, you’re feared and secretly hated. You didn’t get the children to behave better. You got the children to give up on themselves.”

The Shears of Thornling sighed. “I have to say, I never quite looked at it that way."

“You oughta offer a service to put people together instead of ripping them apart."

“You have a point.”

“I do? Hm. Well… thank you.”

“No, Sonny. Thank you. This is the most thought provoking conversation I’ve had in a long time. I never thought about what you kids are going through in this crazy world that you didn’t even ask to be born in. You… actually remind me of myself when I was your age.”

“Really?”

I used to see things different too. But no one was willing to listen. They just kept cutting me down and telling me to keep quiet till I lost who I was. I never knew I could build myself up. I never knew I could build anything.”

“Wow... Well… you wanna start building now? I could show you the Legos I made earlier today? Maybe you could make something too!”

“Really? You’d like to show me?”

“Come on!”

The Shears of Thornling followed Charlie to his room and she marveled at all the details of his Lego building and even built a couple of her own while his mother looked on from the doorway, surprised, but hopeful.

After that day, The Shears of Thornling changed her name to The Mortar of Thornling.

She visited all the children she’d cut down and repaired the damage by building them back up.

Over time, she got to know all the children of Thornling by listening to their upsets and their ideas and figuring out together how to make life work better for everyone.

Whenever parents and children had trouble resolving upsets, they called The Mortar and she was over in a jiffy, ready to listen.

If a kid was melting down, The Mortar of Thornling waited patiently until the child calmed down and only then would she ask if they needed any understanding. And if the child said yes, she’d share frustrations from her own childhood until the child felt ready to share their own.

The Mortar of Thornling learned that the best thing a grown-up can do when a child’s hitting or name-calling or sassing, is to remember those times in their own childhood when they were the most upset, and then be the grown-up they wish they’d had.

Soon, the children of Thornling began to relax around their grown-ups and the grown-ups noticed. They noticed that children learn how to cope and react to the grown-ups by watching how the grown-ups cope and react to the children.

A change was happening in Thornling. A change that wasn’t made by tough love or cutting anyone down, but by caring enough to understand. And when enough people in Thornling cared together, they realized what they were building was a community. And they began to create some really beautiful things together. And when these things started to fall apart, which of course happened many times a day, the people of Thornling practiced what they learned from The Mortar and made sure to take the time to connect the pieces back together.

The End.

—JLK