The Introduction to Once Upon an Upset:

When I was little, my way of coping with chaos was to document whatever was going on through writing about it. I was seven or eight when I set up my first spy stations—little notebooks that I kept in secret locations so I could document whatever drama was happening.

I’d hide underneath furniture with my notebook and take notes during fights between my father and stepmother, or I’d press my ear against my mother’s bedroom door and describe what I heard—her crying or whatever was on the TV.

I used to squeal with delight after I made it back to my bedroom without anyone catching me.

I turned myself into an investigator—jotting things down at school or at home that felt important. I didn’t realize at the time that I was trying to make sense out of chaos, but writing gave me a feeling of stability, so I kept at it.

This coping through writing is still what I do all these years later. My hard drive is filled with decades of observing my surroundings, trying to reframe circumstances so that they’re more interesting than upsetting.

And in all these years of observing and taking notes, I guess I could say I found a voice—a perspective that I’ve learned to honor and have some compassion for, and one that helps me cope constructively when circumstances get tough.

This book, which began as a podcast and blog, is a collection of what my writing has evolved into—stories, essays and reflections that have helped me to heal the wounds from my past.

In this book, I share personal stories about growing up with my mother, who was kind, wise, brilliant and hilarious, but who suffered from hearing voices and self-medicated to drown them out. She passed unexpectedly in 2016.

I share essays about what I’ve learned since becoming a mother myself. My son has been my greatest teacher, showing me where I still have healing to do, and where the constraints and toxic belief systems I internalized from my past still influence and get in the way of my ability to connect securely in relationships.

And I also share stories that I’ve written for kids—for the younger selves that still exist within us, and also for our own children.

This book wasn’t written to necessarily be read in order. My hope is that in the midst of an upset or overwhelm, someone might open it up to some random page and maybe find a little relief.

All the illustrations and observations in this book are based on myself and my family because I’ve never felt qualified to speak for anyone else’s experience other than my own. But that being said, I hope this book will be relatable to anyone who’s felt stuck with unresolved upsets but wants to heal and recreate themselves and live their life on their own terms.

I also hope that this book might serve as a reminder that underneath all of our circumstances, whatever they may be, we are living, breathing beings, full of gifts to share—worthy and deserving of the space we take up. And capable of healing the wounds we carry, no matter how long we’ve been lugging them around.

Sending love and peace,

Jessica