How to Find Your Anchor When You're Feeling Swept Away.

Once there was a girl who wanted to be a hairdresser. All growing up she would style her hair, her friends’ hair and even her grandmother’s hair.

She had a gift for making people sparkle.

She loved how they looked at themselves in the mirror when she was through, as if their best selves had emerged and were waving hello.

When she graduated high school, she decided to go to beauty school and get her license.

And finally, after practicing and practicing, she had her first client.

But there in the salon, with the scissors in her hand, she froze.

For the first time in her life, she didn’t trust herself.

I can’t do this, she thought to herself. What if I do the wrong thing?

The thought of screwing up, suddenly sent her into a panic.

And there she was, standing above this person who was trusting her, and all she could think about was, What would happen if I ruined this girl’s hair? What if I somehow lose control and cut it all off? What if I shaved her head completely bald. Why not? I could, after all.

And though there was a part of herself that found the idea ridiculous, she was also horrified to have even thought of it at all.

And in a matter of seconds, one worried thought after the next swept her away, and she couldn’t figure out how to return to that confident girl she’d always been.

She felt so lost, she just wanted to go home and sleep.

I can’t do this, she whispered to herself. And she excused herself for a bathroom break.

In the bathroom there was a knock on the door.

It was her supervisor.

“First time jitters?”

The girl nodded.

“I had the same thing on my first day.”

“You did?”

“Can I tell you a story?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s something my grandfather told me. We were very close… Once upon a time there was a captain on his ship. And one evening, while he was sleeping, a really big storm blew in. And it blew him to the left, and it blew him to the right. And it spun him all around and around. The storm was so big, it uprooted his anchor and he got completely lost.

Well the same can happen with us.

You see, our bodies are our ships, and we are the captains.

And when a big wave of circumstances rushes in that we’re not expecting, it can feel like we’re being tossed to the left and tossed to right.

And if it’s strong enough, it can uproot our anchor and blow us completely off course, till we feel completely lost.

Sometimes it only takes a thought or two to start the storm.

But for us, to find steadiness and stability in the ships of our bodies, we have to use a different kind of anchor. We have to anchor to our values—to what’s most important to us.

All we need is one anchor.

Mine is: Be Kind to Myself.

Because when I’m kind to myself, I’m also kind to others. Not only because others get hurt when I’m not kind to myself, but because when I’m kind to myself, I want to extend that feeling, so we can all feel good together.

So whenever you’re feeling lost, you just need to remember that you have an anchor. Just the reminder of your anchor will ground you and get you back on track.

I keep mine close to me day and night. It’s written on this bracelet. So all I have to do is look down when I’m lost and I get anchored again.

My grandfather had his tattooed on his arm: a red anchor, that reminded him what’s most important in his life: to care for himself and his family.

When I didn’t know I had an anchor, I used to cope with the storm of circumstances in all sorts of unhealthy ways: I’d pick my skin or my lips. I’d starve myself. Or eat too much. I’d get angry. Or depressed. Or be impulsive and make reckless choices that scared me, that I regretted afterwards.

Now, when I’m feeling unsettled or lost, I focus my attention on my anchor and remind myself what it stands for. And then I make one choice, any choice, big or tiny, it doesn’t matter—anything that’s aligned with my values—and I get right back on course. That’s why I came in here to talk with you. Because that’s what I’ve chosen to make my life about—being kind to others.”

“Thank you.”

“And every choice I make that’s aligned with my anchor makes the relationship to my values stronger. And that’s how I learned to trust myself. Because even though I always have the choice to do a great number of things—constructive or destructive—when my choices are made through my anchor, I feel stronger, and proud of who I am.”

The girl smiled because she realized she wasn’t really lost. It was her anchor that was lost. And to get it back, she only needed to remind herself of what it was, of what was most important in her life. Which was something she never really said out loud before.

“I think my anchor is to contribute to myself and to others by making a positive difference.”

“That’s a beautiful anchor!”

“Thank you.”

“And with that as your anchor, you won’t be swept away by the storm of everything else. And that means that of course you wouldn’t ruin anyone’s hair, because even though you could, it wouldn't be aligned with your values, with who you say you are.”

A lot of boys and girls, and men and women too, have lost their anchors, or never even knew they could get one. But just as a ship needs an anchor so the rough waves don’t sent it reeling off course, people need anchors, to keep us from getting lost, disoriented, and from being blown off course by the circumstances of life.

Anchoring to our values creates a relationship with ourselves called trust.

That doesn’t mean rough times aren’t going to blow in, or that we’ll be free of panicked thoughts or impulses. But when we do the test to check our choices to see if they're aligned with our anchor, our panicked thoughts and impulses will never pass the test.

And as you get stronger, you won’t be so powerless when storms show up, because when you travel with your anchor, and you remember it’s there, it will always hold you steady.

—JLK

All episodes written, performed and produced by Jessica Laurel Kane, and the music was made by Jerome Rossen at Freshmade Music.