At some point it occurred to me that I’d been practicing putt-putt parenting, which is this idea that it’s my responsibility to keep nudging my child until he gets a hole-in-one.
That it’s my job to pick what I believe he should focus on, and then “gently“ push him, again and again, towards this direction that I believe will lead to a well-adjusted, successful life.
And if he won’t budge?
Well, a putt-putt parent will keep repositioning themselves and keep learning different strategies until we can find a better way to reach our kids and nudge them more effectively.
Is it any wonder that some of us putt-putt parents receive so much push back?
The thing I’ve begun to realize, is that life isn’t always about getting a hole in one. And my kid isn’t mine to control. And he doesn’t dig in his heels to be defiant. He’s communicating the only way he knows how—that he isn’t fitting into the little container I keep insisting he needs to fit in, and he has zero interest in struggling to do so.
So I began to wonder—what if I could allow space for my son to decide where he wants to invest his attention and let him determine whether or not it’s a good fit. What if I let him lead, even if where he goes is off the damn putting green.
Letting go of putt-putt parenting is hard. It’s definitely not for everyone. And it’s completely counterintuitive to how I was raised.
But if you’ve got a kid who’s absolutely refusing to go where you keep trying to push him, it might be a breath of fresh air to let go of those strategies and expectations, not only for your kid, but for you.
When I remember to try it out, it really is a lot less stressful for everyone. And with less stress, good ideas have more of a safe space to emerge.
And with all the extra time off the putting green, there’s more energy to turn these good ideas into projects that light us up.
-JLK
