When I’m trying to find peace and comfort, I still get attacked sometimes by that uncomfortable feeling of wanting to reach for something—a cookie, a phone, anything.
It’s so difficult for me to remember that there’s nothing 'out there’ that's going to make anything ‘in here’ feel better for long.
And I still wrestle with that perpetual reaching and nothing there, reaching and nothing there. Until I have no choice but to sigh and surrender to the idea that maybe I don’t mind being alone in my body after all.
Because when I think about it, I’m not really alone. I have my current self to connect with, along with everyone I’ve ever been. And plenty of associations and memories to keep me entertained.
It’s habit really—this experience of believing I’m not enough just as I am, that feeling that keeps me running from the most glorious moment with the most substance—the moment we’re always in. Right now.
-JLK
