I remember when I was 11, wanting to write a memoir. I had a stepmother at the time who laughed when I told her my plan. “Don’t you need to be somebody before you write one of those?”
Her words felt like a giant stop sign. And I think it was decades before I told anyone else that I was writing one.
I didn’t stop writing, but the shame of not being a ‘someone’ kept me from sharing it.
Finally, I started submitting my work, because I figured, well if I get it accepted, maybe it’ll mean I’m a someone. But all I got were rejection letters. I could pave a town with how many I have. And each one felt like another stop sign.
I didn’t stop writing. But I still felt too ashamed to share it, without being a somebody.
Finally, I had a play accepted in a festival. I was so excited. I shared the news with everyone I knew, hoping they’d come to the production that I put my heart and soul into. And there I was, not a somebody, but still actually sharing my stuff. And it felt wonderful!
But just as I felt the shame from my past wearing off, I received an email from a ‘friend’ letting me know that I was turning people off by sharing too much. That I should cool out. That my play wasn’t as big of a deal as I was making it out to be.
And all the shame flowed back. And all the thoughts that accompany shame: I shouldn’t have shared so much. Maybe this sharing stuff isn’t for me. Maybe I was fine enough keeping my ideas to myself. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone past all those stop signs.
But this time, as I sat in my puddle of shame, feeling so bad about myself, another thought occurred to me:
Maybe it’s not me.
Maybe I’m not the only one who feels like they’re ‘not enough’ to share themselves. Maybe everyone’s tiptoeing around trying to get that big letter of validation that says: ‘Congratulations! You are somebody and therefore you have the right to share who you are without shame!’
Now, so many years later, I still have a puddle of shame that I get knocked into from time to time, but yet, I’m pretty certain now, that our purpose here as humans is to blossom. And I’m also pretty certain that we don’t need anyone’s approval to do so.
There’s enough space for everyone to blossom at the same time, in whatever way feels right.
And if someone ever tells you that you’re taking up too much space, or that you don’t have the right credentials to blossom the way you want to, just know, it’s only that old software running it’s old program, the one I’m working so hard to uninstall, the one that says: Don’t you have to be a somebody before you do that?
Well here’s what I say: If you’re here, you’re a somebody. And it’s your time to blossom.
And once we realize this truth, we can make sure our children understand it, so that they never, ever have to feel that who they are right now, isn’t worth sharing.
Story Two:
A Conversation with my Son:
My Son: Am I a somebody or a nobody?
Me: You’re a somebody, of course!
My Son: But... would I be more of a somebody if I were on tv?
Me: No, no, no. Your worth is inside you!
My Son: Inside me?
Me: That’s right. All you need is to close your eyes to feel it. It’s in your ideas, your feelings, your abilities, your experiences, and the way you care about things.
Once you understand that all these wondrous parts are yours, you will realize you take your worth wherever you go. Whether you’re in your house, or in line at the store, or on tv. You carry your worth and it’s your purpose to share it. Wherever you find yourself, your worth is what makes you somebody.
My Son: Being a somebody sounds a lot easier than I thought.
Me: That’s right. It is. And once you realize that you’re a somebody, you will notice that everyone you pass is also a somebody, even if they don’t realize it. Even if they’re right in the middle of rushing around trying to get on tv so they can be a somebody.
So if you can, get to know people, and let them know you. That way, if either of you forget that you’re a somebody, you can remind each other.
My Son: Thank you, Mama.
-JLK
All episodes written, performed and produced by Jessica Laurel Kane, and the music was made by Jerome Rossen at Freshmade Music.